She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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