she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
