I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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