i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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