And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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