Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
