I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize