My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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