FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
