A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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