So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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