god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
