i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
