they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
