Will you blow on my dice?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
