you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
