Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
