doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
