Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
