Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
