If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
