You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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