I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
