Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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