i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
