first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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