We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
