Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize