Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
