I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
