I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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