I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
