they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I love having hate sex.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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