i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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