A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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