Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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