Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
