did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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