Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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