tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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