I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
