Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
