no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
