Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
