I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
