I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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