Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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