It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t yaâ€
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
