I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
