She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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