I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
