how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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