Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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