you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
