Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
