I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
