looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
