What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
