I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
