So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
