so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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