I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
