I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize