dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
