Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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