I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
