Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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