i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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