Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
