Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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