I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
