I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize